A Zombie Marriage
I have a friend who is angry and she has every right to be. Her "until death do us part" just became null and void. It is a painful thing when someone you trusted, you counted on rejects you. When you still love them, even as they tear your world down. I understand. I have felt that. I think most of us have. Unfortunately, due to circumstances beyond her control, she is still living in the same house with her soon to be ex. Living under the same roof but not sharing the same bed. I cannot imagine waking up every morning and be reminded of that death. As if her marriage had become a zombie feeding on her emotions. It just will not stay dead. She has been a stay at home mom and loved it. Now, she must find a job. Find a daycare for her child. The one she should be at home raising. Wasn't that the deal? The family plan? The one so many couples make? When we climb into someone else's boat, we usually set our own a drift. Thinking that we will never need it. We are a unit, a family. In our bid to show our faith and trust we let loose our lines and try not to look back. Sometimes that works out. Sometimes one boat is enough, but not all the time. Now she is about to walk the plank. There has been a mutiny and she is the one now cast aside.
As sad as this is and make no mistake it is sad, she must swim, float or drown. Those are the choices, there are no more. She feels cheated, tricked. Taken advantage of. And this may be the case. When a marriage dies there are very few mourners. No flowers are given and no kind words spoken. There is no dirt dropped by handfuls into the burial pit. No, the dirt is flung about. No one wants to see the grieving marriage widow. She is a pariah. Invitations stop coming. As if the disease of divorce is catching. As if she too died along with her vows.
I try to send out words of encouragement. Little beacons to help her find her way. She must find what she has lost. Who she was and is and wants ever to be. I have said it before and I will say it again. No one else can rescue us. That is a false hope. We stay adrift as long as we choose to. We let the sea pull us down or we use it to sail on.
My friend is angry. And I understand that. I now that hollow feeling and the pain in her heart. Pride and promises are dashed. It is seeping out of her. The pain. The rage of righteousness. She has taken up her armor. In that all to easily expressed and cloaked in the disguise of Honesty, she wields her sharp tongue on all but the one whom deserves it. There is no rest and there cannot be. We are not meant to be filled with such feelings. It is not a natural state. She is harming herself in was that a lover never could.
She must let it go. Let him go. He is not her's and she is not his. I hope that she chooses to get back into her own boat. I hope that she realizes that this man is unworthy of her. he was just practice. A way to learn what is right and what is wrong for her. It seems we learn the most while having our hearts broken. She will mend and be better for it. As long as she remembers that this place she is in, this dark world filled with pain, is a waypoint and not a destination. I love you dear friend.
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