When the idea of entering into adoption first plants its seed in your mind it is accompanied with a little bit of trepidation. You wonder if the absence of a biological connection will somehow impact your ability to love the child enough. You wonder if the child will not bond with you the way a biological child would. Will the absence of 9 months in-vitro lessen the emotional ties between mother and child?
Unfortunately, the term “adoption” still comes with a little bit of a negative stigma associated with it.
But, once you get the courage and conviction to go down that path; and, once you hold or hug your child for the first time – those fears and concerns instantly melt away. Yes, you still wonder how your child will accept their adoption status later in life – but the worries you had about how you would feel, are no longer a concern. You quickly find out that DNA is not what makes for a good parent/child connection. It is not the blood that runs through your veins that bonds you forever; it is the love that beats in your hearts.
As a father of three biological children and one adopted child, I can tell you that the love you feel; the pride you share; the pains you suffer; and, the concerns you harvest do not differ between your biological children and your adopted children. My father was once talking to an acquaintance about his grandchildren and it somehow came up that he had 11 biological grandchildren and 1 adopted grandchild. The friend asked, “Which one is adopted”, to which my father quickly responded, “I don’t remember.” And, that is exactly the way the family members, from parents to siblings to aunts and uncles, will all feel in an instant. Family is family – no matter where they originate.
When my wife and I finally decided to go down the adoption path after much thought about this option, we were amazed by how many people have some sort of adoption related experiences in their lives. Adoption is not a topic widely talked about in social circles, but once we openly started on our journey, we were surprised by how many people we know have adoption stories to tell. We discovered some people we knew, were adopted, but we never knew that; or, one of their parents were adopted, or a sibling was, or … We were surprised by how prevalent adoption really is – it is just not talked about. I bet that those of you who are reading this know more people than you realize that have adoption ties of which you are not aware.
Throughout the years, we have also talked to many adoptive parents to try to discover what we might expect once our son gets curious about his adoption status. We are open with the fact that he is adopted, but, even at nine years old, the full impact of what that means has not quite registered with him. We have discovered that there is a wide range of levels of acceptance with adopted children. Some adapt well, with no issues; others have a tough time with lots of emotional and psychological problems. But, you know what – the same is true with biological children. Some are well-adjusted, some have problems growing up.
I still think it is only natural to be somewhat concerned when at first you start to contemplate adding to your family through adoption. There are many factors and concerns to consider before making this life-changing decision. But, from where I stand, worrying if there will be a different kind of “love” you feel for your adopted child as opposed to what others have with a biological child should not be one of those concerns.
