Community Update

    Okay, a few days have passed and all that I know is that my M protein levels are hanging at the same level. This is good, because you do not want those things growing, bad because, you don't want those things at all.  

Today it was time for another EKG. I have had a few, no big deal. I show up on time and am quickly ushered back to an exam room. I do the put the robe on tied in the back and take my place on the table. The tech is all business. I try to think of some talk and he is not having any of it. Leads are attached in all the right places and we are live. I am trying to decipher the little screen as the tech moves a little wand dripping in goo around my rib cage. I am reminded of the first time I ever laid on a table watching nervously while another tech, more pleasant and rather kind hearted pointed out baby hands and feet and I tried to read that little soul's face. There is no new life this time, we are simply checking out the one I have been living. 

  So, I am looking at white shapes and dark shadows...I try to remember is white bad? Wait, is that only for breast cancer? I try getting information from the tech, I don't know his name, he didn't say. This is kind of a wham, bam put your heart on the cam kind of organization. He marks things, one chamber and then another. Are they supposed to be the same size? Did I used to know that? Now he is checking valves most of them seem like golf claps. Two little arm type things meeting and separating over and over. 
 
 I notice one little arm who's mate I cannot see. Is that supposed to be like that? With a press of buttons the screen is vivid in red, blue, yellow and here and there white zaps, like lightening strikes. I ask how long he has been doing this and Mr All Business says 18 years. He says everyone always asks what he sees and he tells everyone the same thing "wait to hear from your doctor." 

  I know he isn't supposed to diagnose people, I mean there is a Oregon Ducks sticker on his monitor, I get he is not the doctor. However, would a bit of encouragement hurt? A simple, looking good or I don't know a pulse.  I stumbled upon this today. I have a bit of fluid in the sac around my heart. This is something that can happen with Lupus and is fine. It is not always fine, but in my case it is only a small amount. I am again reminded of people who do this on the regular...who live in fear of what these long trips back and forth to have others who are either tight lipped and business like or extremely kind, which is scary as well. I do not know how they do this. I spend a lot of time in waiting rooms with people whose soul's carrying case are in fully rebelled and I am left...breathless at seeing a very small glimpse of their daily struggles, their sheer bravery and the people who love and support them. I am learning compassion on an entirely new level and I am profoundly moved and grateful. Be well, love well and live well.