Day One

Tomorrow will be day one-

  It started so simply, another visit to Virginia Mason in Seattle, I am there once or twice a week now, nothing different there. Another new specialist, I have met plenty of them, and as always a battery of new tests were ordered. It has become my normal routine. So when my phone rang and it was a Virginia Mason number, I was sure it was just another automated reminder of my next appointment. Nothing really. Of course, I was wrong. It was my new specialist's assistant. My test results were back. My ruematologist  wanted me to see someone in Hematology as soon as possible. I was not alarmed. It was just one more doctor to the list of many doctors. 

  Something made me ask what was abnormal about my test, as if I would have any idea whatever medical jargon that was tossed out would mean, but still, I asked. She said I had a high level of Monoclonal protein in my blood, which of course meant nothing to me.  She said something about Amyloidosis and took the time to spell it out for me, waiting while I found a pen. I scribbled on the back of an envelope already covered with a half finished to do list. I asked if this was why I was having so much trouble breathing and she said yes. I was excited. I was happy. Finally, an answer. A reason for this continual slide of losing my life. The voice that met my elation was low-key, she was decidedly quiet. That should have tipped me off but it did not. She said someone would call me with an appointment and that they were getting me in quickly. Still, I was not hearing what she was trying to impart. 
 
  I was so thrilled that we have a target. We have options, we can make a plan. I am not a doctor, but I play one on WebMD and google knows my favored medical search sites. Within minutes of hanging up, I knew I was in the weeds...off the path. I knew that the tests were wrong, until I went through the symptoms. So, this is how you find out you have something bad. That your body has mutinied. I am not having it. I knew I had to let people know. How do you do that? I called the two most important people in my life and I did not say anything more about it Monday. I feel...guilty somehow. I do not want anyone to worry. It will be okay. By Tuesday I have read enough to know that things are out of hand. There will be changes. Plans are in motion. 

  I will learn new things and grow stronger for it. I will write it all out, because that keeps me semi-sane. I am far from the first person to go through this. It makes some things harder, divorce, and some things easier, letting go of relationships that are unhealthy. I am just going to keep moving forward. Get my things in order and enjoy all the blessings I have been given. 

  Tomorrow is day one. It is a new adventure. I will accept it as such and bargain where I can and make do with what I can't. I hope that you are healthy and happy. Much love and peace to you in your life. M~

Also, I realize how much reading I have to do...and writing and painting...I am behind already. 2014 is a year of change. Here is to looking life straight in the eye and saying "come at me bro."